FII TIMES

JOE UNICORNIO ATRACTS KIDS TO SMOKING

MAGICAL FOREST OF FII-TODAY LEPRECHAUN TOBACCO CO. INTRODUCED A NEW FIGURE TO ATRACT KIDS. SINCE THEN, HUNDREDS OF KIDS HAVE FLOCKED TO THE STORE TO BY THE POPULAR CIGARETTES.

THE NEW FIGURE HAS BEEN AN IN-YOUR-FACE IMPEDIMENT TO ANTI-SMOKERS AROUND THE WORLD. HIPPIES HAVE BEEN CONGREGATING OUTSIDE THE TOBACCO COMPANY TO PROTEST. LEPRECHUAN TOBACCO CO. MAINTAINS THAT HIPPIE PROTESTERS ARE ALL HIGH ON CRACK.

TIRED OF THE ORDINARY TWO-DIMENSIONAL BILLBOARDS, LERECHAUN TOBACCO CO. IS USING FOUR-DIMENSIONAL, TIME-TRAVELING JOEBOARDS. THE ANIMATED CREATION CAN NOW LOOK DOWN ON YOU FROM ANY TIME OR PLACE.

THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY KIDS AGAINST SMOKING, A GROUP THAT MAINTAINS THAT SMALL GREEN MEN CARRYING FOUR-LEAF WEEDS WILL DISCOURAGE YOUNG PEOPLE FROM LIGHTING UP.


UFOS MEET UFUS

MAGICAL FOREST OF FII-TODAY, TWO UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECTS (UFOS) CRASHED IN THE FII CLEARING DURING FROCKTIME. FROCKTIME, AS YOU MAY WELL KNOW, IS WHEN UNIDENTIFIED FROCKING UNICORNS GATHER AND FROLICK.

ALL THE UFOS HURRYED OFF THE SHIP AND, UPON SEEING THE UFUS, BEGAN TO SCREAM, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

"PLEASE," SAID BOB UNICORNIO, PRESIDENT OF THE UNICORNS, "DO NOT SCREAM. YOU ARE DISTURBING OUR DAILY FROCKING."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," REPLIED THE UFOS.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK," SCREAMED THE UFUS.

UNICORNIO ATTEMPTED TO RESTORE ORDER. "PLEASE STOP SHOUTING," HE IMPLORED EVERYONE.

THE REST OF THE DAY CONTINUED FROM THERE. UNICORNIO OFFERED THE UFOS THE TOWN'S HOSPITALITY, WHICH THE UFOS READILY ACCEPTED. MOST UFUS DID NOT SEEM HAPPY ABOUT THE SITUATION .

FII TIMES 1ST EDITION

LEPRECHAUNS LAND ON MOON

500 YEARS AGO THREE LEPRECHAUNS DECIDED THAT THEY WOULD FIND A WAY TO GO TO THE MOON. THEY HAD HEARD THAT MAN COULD GO ON THE MOON. THEY HAD NO INTENTION OF BEING LEFT BEHIND BY THOSE NOSE PICKING, ARMPIT SCRATCHING, CAR-MAKERS. "WE WORKED ON DIFFERENT KINDS OF TOY ROCKETS FOR DECADES UNTIL WE FINALLY DECIDED TO COPY A HUMAN ROCKET DESIGN," SAID TOM ROCKET,1000. ONE OF THE LEPRECHAUNS WHO TOOK THE ROCKET DESIGN FROM THE HUMANS.

HORNLESS UNICORNS

MANY UNICORNS HAVE BEEN HAVING THERE HORNS SURGICALLY REMOVED SO THAT THEY CAN LIVE LIKE ORDINARY HORSES. THEY HAVE FOUND THAT HUMAN FARMERS ARE VERY NASTY TO THERE HORSES. "THEY MAKE US EAT RAW OATS AND THEY RIDE AROUND ON OUR BACKS LIKE WERE A COUPLE OF THERE SMELLY OLD CARS. I MEAN WERE MAGICAL ANIMALS, WE DESERVE SOME RESPECT,"

BROUGHT TO YOU BY:
UNICORN HORNS, HEARS YOUR POINT IN LIFE!