INCREASE IN LEPRECHAUNTITUS
THE DISEASE LEPRECHAUNTITUS THAT TURNS A HUMAN SLOWLY INTO A LEPRECHAUN HAS INCREASED IN A LOT OF HUMANS. "IT IS INCURABLE AS FAR AS WE KNOW BUT THERE IS A WAY TO PREVENT IT." SAID DR. BOB SMITH,500, A DOCTOR AT THE FOREST OF FII HOSPITAL.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
FII TIMES
UFOS GO HOME
YESTERDAY, THE UFOS MET TOM ROCKET. MR. ROCKET TOLD THEM ABOUT HIS NEW SPACE ROCKET THAT HE AND HIS TEAM HAD PERFECTED AND TESTED A FEW WEEKS EARLIER. THE UFOS SEEMED DELIGHTED AT THE ROCKET. "IT WOULD BE A LITTLE BETTER IF IT WEREN'T GREEN," SAYS UFO CAPTAIN UGG BLOFFLE.
THE UFOS HAVE, BY NOW, LEARNED A FEW WORDS OF GNOMICORNISH (GA-NOO-MICK-CORN-ISH), THE FII LANGUAGE.
MR. ROCKET IS LOANING HIS ROCKET TO THE UFOS, WHO HAVE GREATLY APPRECIATE IT. THEY HAVE PROMISED TO RETURN IT WHEN THEY GET HOME AND CAN GET THEIR OWN SPACE SHIPS. "I PROGRAMMED AN AUTOMATIC FLY-HOME BUTTON THAT WILL BRING THE ROCKET BACK TO FII AND WILL LAND IT ON THE LEPRECHAUN GREEN HOUSE," SAYS MR. ROCKET.
THE UFOS TAKE OFF TOMMORROW IN FII CITY AT 1:30 PM.
KONING WANTS SEGREGATION
MARSHA LEPRECHAUN KONING, A LONG-TIME ACTIVIST AGAINST THE INTEGRATED SCHOOLS ACT, HAS NOW DECIDED THAT NOT ONLY SCHOOLS BUT EVERYTHING SHOULD BE SEGREGATED.
THIS IDEA HAS NEVER BEAN PRESENTED SO VIOLENTLY BEFORE. MS. KONING HAS GATHERED HER CULT AROUND HER AND MARCHED DOWN GOLD STREET, HOOFS STOMPING AND HORNS WAVING. WHEN INTERVIEWED, MS. KONING SAID, "WE DON'T WANT THOSE GREEN HATTERS IN THE SAME SCHOOLS AS OUR CHILDREN. WE DON'T WANT THEM INFLUENCING OUR CHILDREN IN BAD WAYS. IF THEY SHOULDN'T BE AROUND KIDS, THEN WHY SHOULD THEY BE AROUND ADULTS?"
THERE WERE SEVERAL COUNTER-RIOTS DURING THE MARCH. "FOUR LEGS GOOD, TWO LEGS GOOD; FOUR LEGS GOOD, TWO LEGS GOOD," CHANTED THE PROTESTORS, LED BY TOM ROCKET.
FII CITY OFFICIALS SAY THAT KONING WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO MARCH AGAIN. "THIS ISN'T AMERICA, WE DON'T NEED FREEDOM OF SPEECH."
PROTESTORS CLAIM THEY ARE NOT FINISHED WITH THE ISSUE. "WE BELIEVE THAT LEPRECHAUNS AND UNICORNS CAN LIVE PEACEABLY TOGETHER," SAID LEPRECHAUN X.
YESTERDAY, THE UFOS MET TOM ROCKET. MR. ROCKET TOLD THEM ABOUT HIS NEW SPACE ROCKET THAT HE AND HIS TEAM HAD PERFECTED AND TESTED A FEW WEEKS EARLIER. THE UFOS SEEMED DELIGHTED AT THE ROCKET. "IT WOULD BE A LITTLE BETTER IF IT WEREN'T GREEN," SAYS UFO CAPTAIN UGG BLOFFLE.
THE UFOS HAVE, BY NOW, LEARNED A FEW WORDS OF GNOMICORNISH (GA-NOO-MICK-CORN-ISH), THE FII LANGUAGE.
MR. ROCKET IS LOANING HIS ROCKET TO THE UFOS, WHO HAVE GREATLY APPRECIATE IT. THEY HAVE PROMISED TO RETURN IT WHEN THEY GET HOME AND CAN GET THEIR OWN SPACE SHIPS. "I PROGRAMMED AN AUTOMATIC FLY-HOME BUTTON THAT WILL BRING THE ROCKET BACK TO FII AND WILL LAND IT ON THE LEPRECHAUN GREEN HOUSE," SAYS MR. ROCKET.
THE UFOS TAKE OFF TOMMORROW IN FII CITY AT 1:30 PM.
KONING WANTS SEGREGATION
MARSHA LEPRECHAUN KONING, A LONG-TIME ACTIVIST AGAINST THE INTEGRATED SCHOOLS ACT, HAS NOW DECIDED THAT NOT ONLY SCHOOLS BUT EVERYTHING SHOULD BE SEGREGATED.
THIS IDEA HAS NEVER BEAN PRESENTED SO VIOLENTLY BEFORE. MS. KONING HAS GATHERED HER CULT AROUND HER AND MARCHED DOWN GOLD STREET, HOOFS STOMPING AND HORNS WAVING. WHEN INTERVIEWED, MS. KONING SAID, "WE DON'T WANT THOSE GREEN HATTERS IN THE SAME SCHOOLS AS OUR CHILDREN. WE DON'T WANT THEM INFLUENCING OUR CHILDREN IN BAD WAYS. IF THEY SHOULDN'T BE AROUND KIDS, THEN WHY SHOULD THEY BE AROUND ADULTS?"
THERE WERE SEVERAL COUNTER-RIOTS DURING THE MARCH. "FOUR LEGS GOOD, TWO LEGS GOOD; FOUR LEGS GOOD, TWO LEGS GOOD," CHANTED THE PROTESTORS, LED BY TOM ROCKET.
FII CITY OFFICIALS SAY THAT KONING WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO MARCH AGAIN. "THIS ISN'T AMERICA, WE DON'T NEED FREEDOM OF SPEECH."
PROTESTORS CLAIM THEY ARE NOT FINISHED WITH THE ISSUE. "WE BELIEVE THAT LEPRECHAUNS AND UNICORNS CAN LIVE PEACEABLY TOGETHER," SAID LEPRECHAUN X.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
FII TIMES
UFOS TRY TO GO HOME
OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS THE UFOS WHO CRASH LANDED HERE LAST WEEK HAVE BEAN TRYING TO RETURN HOME. THEY CALLED IN THE HELP OF LEPRECHAUN SCIENTIST BILL BOBSON TO REPAIR THERE SPACE SHIP. WHEN BOBSON DECLARED THE SPACE SHIP UNFIXABLE THE UFOS RAN INTO THE WILD. TEN SEARCH PARTIES HAVE BEAN SENT OUT BUT SO FAR BUT NOBODY HAS FOUND ANYTHING.
UFO SPREAD ALIEN DISEAS
SEVERAL OF THE UFUS (UNIDENTIFIED FROCKING UNICORNS) THAT WERE PRESENT AT THE UFO CRASH HAVE BEGUN TO GET UNCURABLE HICCUPS. THEY ALSO HAVE RASHES THAT NO AMOUNT OF BABY POWDER CAN GET RID OF. DR. ROB LAWSON A DOCTOR AT FII HOSPITAL SAYS "THEY ARE IN A CRITICAL CONDITOION. WE CANNOT TELL IF THEY WILL LIVE TO FROCK AGAIN." UFUS WERE NOT AVAILABLE FOR INTERVIEW.
OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS THE UFOS WHO CRASH LANDED HERE LAST WEEK HAVE BEAN TRYING TO RETURN HOME. THEY CALLED IN THE HELP OF LEPRECHAUN SCIENTIST BILL BOBSON TO REPAIR THERE SPACE SHIP. WHEN BOBSON DECLARED THE SPACE SHIP UNFIXABLE THE UFOS RAN INTO THE WILD. TEN SEARCH PARTIES HAVE BEAN SENT OUT BUT SO FAR BUT NOBODY HAS FOUND ANYTHING.
UFO SPREAD ALIEN DISEAS
SEVERAL OF THE UFUS (UNIDENTIFIED FROCKING UNICORNS) THAT WERE PRESENT AT THE UFO CRASH HAVE BEGUN TO GET UNCURABLE HICCUPS. THEY ALSO HAVE RASHES THAT NO AMOUNT OF BABY POWDER CAN GET RID OF. DR. ROB LAWSON A DOCTOR AT FII HOSPITAL SAYS "THEY ARE IN A CRITICAL CONDITOION. WE CANNOT TELL IF THEY WILL LIVE TO FROCK AGAIN." UFUS WERE NOT AVAILABLE FOR INTERVIEW.
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